Writing Fatherhood: How Dad’s Home Book Was Born

12/19/2024

Dad’s Home reached me in the middle of the night around 2 am. I woke up with inspiration and pulled out my phone to open notes. And before I knew it, the whole manuscript had rushed out of me in one go.

Of course, my wife, being the faint sleeper she is, got up and asked if everything was okay. Her facial expression didn’t match the question she asked—her face displayed a “Who’s on the other end of that phone?” type look! (lol) 

So I explained, returned to writing, and by the morning sun I had written I’m not not one but three manuscripts. Of these, Dad’s Home was the perfect one to get published first. It is both an expression of the desire I experienced as a child and the experience I’ve gained from being a father, and it’s the perfect beginning to this journey.

I was born and raised in the inner city of St. Louis, Missouri, by a working, single mother. She worked two jobs to survive, and most of the household care was carried out by my older sister. Our dad left us when I was three years old, fighting a drug addiction.

I didn’t know the larger social causes behind situations such as ours at the time, but as an adult I realized that our misfortune was too common among African American families in the late 1980s and early 90s. I’ll go into more detail about that issue in a future blog, but as a child, I just didn’t have a dad.

Instead of my dad, I turned to other men as father figures – coaches, teachers, a pastor, and eventually my father-in-law. These men filled in the gaps and made me into who I am still trying to be.

**Side note: My father is doing well now, three years sober (applaud), and our relationship is in a good space!**

The Men Who Shaped Me
Dad’s Home is my tribute to the incredible men who stepped into my life and showed me what fatherhood can be.

• Coach Melvin Cromer showed me the importance of consistency, proving that showing up for others is an act of love.
• Coach Arlee Conners modeled self-control and stoicism, teaching me the value of emotional balance.
• Pastor Robert Smith radiated positivity and faith, inspiring me to see the good in every situation.
• Sam Walters Jr. (aka Junebug) demonstrated to me that tough guys like singing, dancing, cleaning, and cooking too. I’m not particularly good at any of them but I take pleasure from engaging in each of these activities.
• Arnold Massey (my father-in-law, aka Paw Paw) gave me a firsthand look at what it means to be a loving husband and devoted father.

And all of these men offered something valuable to me in terms of becoming more competent, resilient and disciplined. I am forever thankful that they were in my life, and the knowledge I’ve gained from them continues to be applied to raising my own children.

Upon having children, I committed myself to one thing: “I must be better.” At first, that meant better than my own father. But gradually, I came to understand that equivalence wasn’t serving me well. The bar so low—to ‘just be there’—wasn’t enough. There is more to fatherhood than just showing up.

A father’s job is to ensure that your kids are loved, safe, and cared for. It’s educating their characteristics and personalities, setting them up for life, and providing them with resources to survive. It’s tea parties, sword fights, and random dance parties, WWE Smackdown in the living room type of love.

I thought I needed a better rubric, so I borrowed the best traits from the men I cherish and created my own blueprint for fatherhood. And being a father is the greatest privilege of my life. It’s an opportunity to transcend generations, leave a legacy of compassion and strength, and be the father my children deserve.

Dad’s Home is not just a children’s book. It’s a testament to the influence of care, direction, and thoughtful parenting. My best attributes are based on the men who have influenced me and remind me that all children need a father. Yes, I’m talking to my 9-year-old self, trying to convince myself that I don’t need a dad…smh. 

It’s a book for any parent or mentor that wants to become a better parent. It’s a reminder that all of us can take what’s good about the people we admire and make something useful for the next generation.

Let’s Talk About It: What is your definition of a father figure?

Hey, we would love to hear your feedback! What is your definition of a father figure? It could be a parent, coach, or someone who helped out when you needed it; please share it in the comments below. There are no wrong answers.

Your feedback could inspire others and remind us all of the incredible impact a father figure can have on shaping lives.